Thursday, September 3, 2009

My own Shawshank

The Shawshank Redemption is a great movie. There was a character, Brooks Hatlen, who was paroled after 50 years in prison. This man has no idea what to do with his new found freedom. In fact, he finds it downright unsettling. So much so that he ends up hanging himself. He was happier in prison.

Okay, so no, I am not going to hang myself. After working obscene amounts of hours for years and then working full-time plus full-time school--oh, and the matter of the six children we have, one would think that I would be enjoying this week off. I am done with school. I am not traveling a total of 3 hours round trip to the hospital/practice that I was doing my internship with and I am no longer working as a L&D RN. All but one of the kids have started school and I am home. I am going nuts!!! I am trying to figure out what I am supposed to do with my new found freedom. Right now--I study. I highlight. I make index cards.

I feel like I went from driving in the left lane to the antique cars at an amusement park. Yes, there are things to enjoy about each--I just need to find it. I am sure that by next week I will settle in. Probably once I am comfortable with my freedom I will be thrown back onto the highway--a busy, busy office, call, finding my way as a new midwife and convincing the other OB's from different practices that really I am not there to gobble up their "piece of the pie".

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