YES!!

You just passed your CNM exam, what are you going to do now?

Rediscover my life!!

Yes, I passed. I over-studied--there's a surprise. Anyways, my anxiety once I clicked the "all done" button was enough to precipitate a massive MI--but I survived. You then walk out and wait for the printer to spit out a piece of paper. The paper tells you whether you passed or not. Thank GOD the first word I read was "Congratulations".

I can go out to dinner tonight and not worry about studying. I can go to sleep without a book as a pillow. I can stop stressing about what I will do if I don't pass. My bedroom can be a bedroom, not a medical library. I can exercise without thinking that I should be reading that book, taking that practice exam. I can have that champagne and not worry that I will be too tired to study after a glass. I now only have my work and family. Well, I am sitting for my NP exam, too but I was hired as a CNM--so not so much stress for that exam.

Thanks for everyone's encouragement and YES, I PASSED!!!

This is it!!!

Tomorrow is the day. I take my exam tomorrow morning. I have been wanting to "hurl", as my kids would say, for two days now. I have to pass. I have no choice. I have signed a contract with the practice, she ordered business cards. She called yesterday to ask about what alphabet soup I wanted behind my name for signage in the lobby of the two office buildings--yes, I think I can taste it in my throat now, ewww!. But, there's no pressure or anything. Oh, the write up in the hospital advertisement/newsletter they send to EVERY surrounding town that has already been printed, an article about how they are moving up in the world and now have a nurse midwife, that is waiting to be mailed--no pressure.

The funny thing is I kept saying along the way to everyone--can we not do any of this until I take the exam and know if I have even passed??!! No one ever listens to me. So, I guess I better pass.

Oh, here comes another wave of nausea---ugh!!

Real practice or book practice?

I have been studying for my certification exam for quite some time now. I have taken several practice exams from review books. I have decided that in the area of taking exams my experience is a detriment. I look at a question and there are two answers--what really happens and what they want to happen. Sometimes it is easy because the what really happens answer isn't available as a choice, thus you are led to the one that should happen. Occasionally, some very smart individual has written a question that has both available for you to choose as the answer.

Now, if I went in to this with only the knowledge they placed into my head-the test would probably be easier. It definitely would not be easier in the office or the hospital. My experience has helped me there. It is very hard to erase 17 years of experience and knowledge. I second guess every answer. If I choose wrong, when I look at the "correct" answer--I think "are you serious??, In what world?" Often, as it should be, the answers are one and the same but there are those times, as anyone in healthcare will tell you, that they are not. It's a think called clinical judgment.

If I scored the exams, I am doing fine but my perfectionist side demands 100%, anything less is a bit disappointing to say the least. Frustrating---Book smart or clinical smart? I try for both but sometimes the clinical smart gets in the way of the book smart. Truly, I guess I really wouldn't want it any other way.

Jumping the bookshelves

Varney, Creasy, Gabbe, Sperrof, Cunningham(William's), Oxorn, Guyton, Bates and Evanovich

Yes, I have jumped off of one of my bookshelves to another. Indulgent, especially since for me Evanovich is just plain old "book candy". Yes, I do read books that have literary worth but after living with and sleeping with some of the above-mentioned, I needed a separation. Janet Evanovich is the author of a series that follows Stephanie Plum, a bounty hunter in Trenton, NJ. I am reading book 14 but I just checked and 15 is out, too. It is the epitome of summer reading. I know it's September but I have missed three summers. I need to catch up. Plus, my brain is deep-fried and I needed something quick and easy. It's my guilty literature pleasure.

It's kind of like at night, on those rare occasions when I get to sit in front of the television. Lonely husband has on the History channel, NatGeo, Discovery, etc. Don't get me wrong, I love those channels. But, when your head is gone from thinking all day there is nothing like an hour of brainlessness (probably not a real word but it gets used here)--reruns of Cops or VH1's Countdown of Top 80's Hair Bands or some such nonsense. He looks at me like I have lost it. In fact, I think many days he may be right.

Back to the grind of studying. I am waiting not so patiently for my letter of eligibility to be sent to the board for me to sit for my exam. It should have been there by now. It should have been sent by now. But, someone made an executive decision to hold the letter until a few students who were unable to complete their course work on time finished. ARGGHHH! That is all I will say about that. It is "supposed" to be sent today. One will see. Off I go headed back to the tombs of textbooks. Every now and then I think I will peak out to see what trouble Stephanie Plum is stirring up.

Studying

I read. I highlight. I make index cards. I do this every day.

Yes, on top of being a midwife it is safe to say I have OCD and a strong leaning towards perfectionism. But, I am comfortable with that. Over the years, nurses and doctors that share those same psychiatric diagnoses, are the ones I want caring for my family and myself. I obsess over taking the certification exam. Everyone tells me--"Of course you will pass". I am thankful for their confidence just wish I could own some of it. As I continue to read, highlight, and make index cards until I sit for the exam--the man I love in the next room will remain the "lonely husband".